Processing is the tendency to overanalyze and overdiscuss every aspect that can be analyzed or discussed. When it comes to relationships, it turns out this works in lesbians’ favor. According to a 12-year study by John Gottman of the University of Washington and Robert Levenson of the UC Berkeley, gay and lesbian couples are excellent communicators who use fewer “controlling, hostile emotional tactics” when fighting, such as belligerence, domineering, and fear. “The difference on these ‘control’ related emotions suggests that fairness and power-sharing between the partners is more important and more common in gay and lesbian relationships than in straight ones,” Gottman explained. Don’t be nervous or insecure; be proud of your kinks and enjoy yourself. This is important both inside and outside of the bedroom. If you’ve decided to broach the topic of dominant sex with someone, don’t mumble something awkwardly under your breath, take a leaf out of Mr. Grey’s book, and openly declare ‘I’m a Dominant.’ Her husband reacted surprisingly well too, suggesting that they enrol in therapy to help both of them exit their long-standing relationship. I took this as my cue to make a commitment and said I would move to the suburbs to be with her and her three children, once her husband had moved out.

As we mentioned earlier, when explaining the concept of ‘scenes,’ Dom-sub relationships often extend outside of the bedroom. Doms need to exercise and enforce their control over their partner, and the way you do this is through the promise of a reward or the threat of punishment.

How D/s can play out in BDSM scenes.

Even if you both agree to try it, your sub could still change their mind. As such, be mindful of how your sub responds to any impact play and, if you think they might not be enjoying it, stop straight away. 9. Be Confident

Literally. Don’t try to use ropes, chains, or other bondage equipment until you learn how to do it safely. Subspace has been described as similar to a deep meditative state — which research shows can feel incredibly therapeutic and has lots of psychological benefits. But because this meditative state in kink can be highly emotive, we need to take post-play into consideration. You need to take some time to "come down" from the scene. Two bottoms together won’t work out so well in a relationship, either, because neither one wants to be the one to give pleasure. Just like with tops, there is a potential for compromise, but you need to listen to your partner and determine if you’re sexually compatible.In romance fiction, for example, there’s often a weak damsel-in-distress and a powerful, macho hero that sweeps her off her feet.

The most common lesbian joke is often attributed to comedian Lea Delaria, who once remarked: “What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul.” This plays into the notion that queer women tend to move in together at lightning-fast speeds. While there are no significant statistics comparing the cohabitation speeds of queer vs. straight women, there is some science that pinpoints why a lesbian couple might move in together sooner than a hetero couple. Some of these reasons have to do with societal norms, financial benefits and hormones. D/s dynamics will play out in every kinky scenario, because it is the core of the practice. But how it shows up is another story. This is one of the things that makes kink so appealing. You can completely customize an experience to cater to your specific interests. Just like there are submissive tops, there are dominant bottoms (and the woman who created this informative video describes herself as one). Dominant bottoms like receiving pleasure, but they enjoy the sexual thrill of telling their partner what to do to them. Over 10 years later, same-sex rape on college campuses is just starting to be quantified on a national level. Haven, an online sexual assault and awareness program that logs sexual assaults directly from students, works with self-reported data from over 800 colleges and universities. Haven had never compiled a report on undergraduate women who have been assaulted by women, but teamed up with MarieClaire.com to reveal new information: While the number of reported sexual assaults by women was low compared to assaults overall (only about 2.5 percent), the most striking difference came down to the likelihood of survivors to report the incident: 30 percent of women assaulted by another woman told no one, compared to 25 of women who didn't report an assault by a man. Good sex is all about pushing the boundaries. When we play the Dom, we enter a place where we have permission to behave in ways that we’re not allowed to usually behave due to societal norms.

Negotiating boundaries within a Dom/sub dynamic. 

You should also discuss other aspects, like whether or not you’ll be using contraception, what kind of tools/toys you’ll be using, and how you’re going to make sure everything is as safe as possible. Furthermore,” Blair explains, “very few women in same-sex relationships reported very brief sexual encounters, possibly providing a hint as to why their sexual frequency numbers tend to be lower than the other three groups.”