A Lesbian Mother's Handbook

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US government records say that a lesbian couple was arrested in 2012 but released. Other than that, little else is documented. We’ll start by taking you through your options of becoming a lesbian mom and then talk through some ways to navigate being one.

Share personal stories, emotions, and experiences. Some Asian parents and family members may not understand sexuality and gender diversity, but may more readily connect with personal stories—even those of traumatic experiences. Tourists from neighbouring Rwanda, Tanzania and the Democratic Republic of Congo can be found enjoying the nightlife in the clubs or the five-star hotel bars. Nella is now divorced but others in the group remain married. Their husbands are not aware of their sexuality. On top of this, as much as society has made advancements in terms of LGBTQIA+ rights, the stigma is still prevalent. Our kids our 5 and 7. They use Mommy for me, Mama for my wife, and Mom for both. Somehow, we know who they mean and if they mean my wife and I answer, they then say “the other Mom” and vice versa. (although, now that I think about it, our daughter also calls my wife Mommy if she is talking to me about her….like she will say “when will Mommy be home?” which I love, because to them, we are just both their parents, both their Moms.Think ahead. Have a safety plan considering potential consequences before coming out, including those dealing with relationships, finances, emotional toll, and possible physical dangers. Our daughter shared a crib with another baby for nine months in the children home they lived in. She lives with her two moms three hours away. The girls call themselves “ sisters.” (They’re both only children.) I had a real hard time adopting any sort of “mom” related label for various reasons, but these days I love hearing my son say “ Mama” when referring to me, and it fits me. Being a parent has made me feel a lot braver about being myself and living honestly, because my wife and son love me, so who gives a f*** about anyone else?! [Genderqueer lesbian non-bio parent]

RUTH: We wanted the children to know who these men are. We don't call them a dad – they are a donor – although the word doesn't quite match or fit the role they play in the children's lives. We see them once every couple of months and the relationships have developed over time. The whole process was quite intense, but we're aware that these fantastic men have helped us out in the most enormous way. They could protect her while she was in the family home, but they could not guarantee her safety outside if the wrong people found out.

Being a lesbian mom

They knew of a rich man who was interested in her. There was little time to lose, they insisted. At 20 she was getting on a bit. Choosing Sasa had to do with finding a nonbinary parent name that was simple and felt right. As Mama’s given name begins with M and mine begins with S, I explored Sasa as an option. Finding it to be a name in the same family as Sasha or Alexander, and carrying meanings such as “protector,” I felt it was a good fit.

NATALIE: You'd be surprised how many men want to help women in our situation. After our experience, we decided to set up gayfamilyweb.co.uk, offering to connect gay families with donors and other gay families. It was difficult for us to meet other gay women with children in our area – although we had the support of our straight friends, we felt isolated as we had no one to talk to in the same situation.Monday, fun day! The most popular day of the week for 18-to-34 year olds to watch porn is Monday. I believe—through sheer, un-researched and unfounded speculation—that this is because you have the worst sex of your life between the ages of 18 and 34, and that most of that bad sex happens on the weekend. So come Monday, come. Like you know you need to. It’s basic self-care.

He remembers his grandmother well. She was small, almost like a child, though very round. She had five children and her sons left home as soon as they could. The woman, while being a lesbian, was not arrested for her sexuality - the authorities were unaware of it, she believes. It was because the woman had retaliated against domestic abuse in her family home, and lashed out against her abuser. Our donor is a close friend, and we refer to him and his wife as Uncle [his first name] and Aunt [her first name]. And queer parenting often means running into a whole lot of uncalled-for judgment around your child’s well-being.We met four different families living in the UK, to talk about both the benefits and the challenges of raising children with two mums. In each case, it was noticeable that both mothers were equally involved in all aspects of their children's lives; and that they consider open communication with their children to be crucial. They shared with us their style of parenting, how they explain the difference of their situation to their children – and whether attitudes towards gay families have really changed. ASHLING PHILLIPS AND NATALIE DREW Get professional support prior to coming out. Mental health professionals can assist in the process of self-understanding and self-love by recognizing the toxic impact of internalized homophobic messages on self-image. LAURA: Of course we're concerned that our children will be bullied, but being a child – regardless of the parents' sexuality– is stressful. The average 10-year-old gets harassed by their peers about everything. I'd like to think that they won't be teased just because their parents are gay.